You want to look into my eyes to see if what is still there? You think you may still have feelings for me? You think the torch is still burning?
Things are going really good with H and I. My family isnt too happy about us living together. Both parents and all my sisters think its a bad idea. Its a good thing i didnt tell them we are sharing the same bed until i can afford my own. Living with her isnt much different than having a roomate in a dorm. Its just a bigger area with someone that i love.
My relationship with H is nothing like what you and i had amy. Nothing will ever be like that, nothing will ever replace what you and i had with each other. I dont regret anything with you at all. I didnt then, and i dont now. But i do believe that the way we were and are now is the way it is meant to be. The way we will be with each other in the future is the way its meant to be. Whatever happens to us - whether i move there or not, whether this journal of ours survives is the way its meant to be. Nothing can change that. You cant force anything to happen.
That last paragrahp may sound confusing, it was even to me. Im sorry, but its the best i can explain my feelings toward you.
Why did you think of me when you went to your mothers? Was it because of the time i spent there with you. Our bath together. Our trip up to the ski resort, eating at the pizza place. You whipping up and down that curvy road. You passing out in the bed.. How often do you still think of me? When do you think of me?
The new apartment is going pretty good. We have most of our furiture, we just need a couch and a microwave. We sit on the desk chair and another chair when we watch tv. We cant buy popcorn or have many leftovers because we need a micrwave to do it. I would like to get her one for christmas, but im not sure if thats too far away or not.
I tried clicking that 'just me' thing, and it gave me an error when i tried to submit it. So i clicked everyone, and it worked fine. It doesnt really matter though, no one will know who i am from just reading this. My name isnt attached to it anywhere, and im making sure not to say names. I think it will be safe if people i dont knww read this.
Why didnt you tell me before your birthday was coming up? I would have gotten you something. Can i have your home address? Give to me in email instead of here.
Part of me really wants to meet up with you again, and part of me knows better. I know what im going to want to happen with us. I know how i feel with h and i know how i felt with you. Im not sure its a good idea to mix those feelings.