Your diaryx is blocked at work - so i wont ever be able to read it. I always seem to busy at home to even get online anymore. I have nothing else planned for her christmas, all i have so far is those games and the microwave. She has gobs of jewelry so im not going for any of that. What do you mean by 'leaving it open for possibility"? Leaving what open?

I know it seems i chose to. I just tried to protect you sweety. And i have that stupid quality of protecting people even if it means hurting me. or something i want. all of the things mentioned here is another reason i wantedt "this". so we could .. Just open up .. no hideing anything with no worries of anyone.my mind is so blank at the moment. I will have to think about what i have to say. I always try to think through what i say. Did you read my diaryx yet?? Maybe this will help us both...

"If i can't be the one to furfill your dreams I want someone there who can." Its not that you cant, its that you chose not to. You had the opportunity, and you said no. You said you found someone better. Even after i begged and pleaded with you. I dont know what you mean by being linked. Other than being one of my best friends and what that entails, i dont feel any sort of 'connection' with you. I miss you alot, and think about you all the time - but i dont understand the connection thing...

I understand your whole paragraph. And I know exactly what you mean by when you say about how you felt and how you feel now. I feel the same. I love L but i know how i felt with you. And yes I am the same way I know how it will be if i ever see you again. and Im mixed about how i feel about that. Part of me says yes and part of me says no. . I am glad things with you n her are doing so well. I am very Happy for you. and I do mean that. If i can't be the one to furfill your dreams I want...

You want to look into my eyes to see if what is still there? You think you may still have feelings for me? You think the torch is still burning? Things are going really good with H and I. My family isnt too happy about us living together. Both parents and all my sisters think its a bad idea. Its a good thing i didnt tell them we are sharing the same bed until i can afford my own. Living with her isnt much different than having a roomate in a dorm. Its just a bigger area with someone that i lo...

Ahh well I figure we will talk about everything here. Just what ever we want and everything we want no one else to know LOL. A way to keep up with each other but yet no one else can interferre. Yanno? I miss you o so much. and I'd love to look into your eyes again. See if it is really still there. Hows things going with H? hows the new life? is it like what we had? things are ok here i guess.. nothing much changes. I went to moms this past weekend. it snowed.. i thought of you...

Its different, but i like it enough to use it for just you and I. Im feeling naughty already... lol. So what kind of information are we going to be writing in here? Anything at all, or everything that we dont want anyone else to know but you and i? Or something else? Just information that pertains to you that i dont want anyone else to know? Did you just have your birthday?

ahhhh so what do you think of this??? If it works for you I'll write more. obkb?